CTA Tattler

A call to the president from Fullerton platform

Thanks to Alle for sharing this fun Tattler nugget with us.

This happened to me last week at the Fullerton stop, as I was waiting for the Brown Line going north. It was around7:30 or so, too early for the real crazies to be out. Or so I thought.

The Red Line (what a shock!) came through, depositing its passengers on the platform. They all trickled away as they always do, except for one homeless man, who walked up and down the platform, yelling loudly to no one in particular. "Oh, fine! Must be nice to have a college degree! I ain't got no college degree! I don't even got a family to go back to!"

After five minutes or so of this, during which he told us his reasons why his family wouldn't have him ("Not until you get a job," or "Until you're a functional alchoholic"), his attention was caught by the phones in the middle of the platform. He walked over to one and pretended to dial a number. I honestly hope he was doing this to be funny, knowing that we were all listening, but who can be sure?

"National security? I need the President. No, I will not hold. You put me through young man, or...I mean NOW. I mean YESTERDAY. If you value your job..."

He then waited, presumably while he was connected to the White House. "Hello, Mr. President! Yes...yes...yes, phase one has begun...yes...yes...yes. Alright there, Mr. President. You tell your old man I say hello, and GOD BLESS AMERICA."

The Brown Line then came and I got on, but the last thing I heard, he was asking another CTA patron for money, because "calls to Washington aren't cheap, you know."