CTA Tattler

"All I want for Christmas is my blood mold excised"

Time to say good-bye to 2004, and welcome 2005. I've been writing CTA Tattler Tales since June. And you've been with me all the way. Thanks for reading and contributing.

We close this year with a truly bizarre story from James. Thanks, and watch for those matronly Gold Coasters on cell phones:

As the holidays neared, only a week away, a large crowd entered the 151 Sheridan bus north on Michigan, at Chicago. Sitting down in the middle of the bus was this Gold Coast gal. She was somewhere in her 40s, wearing a full mink coat, loudly talking on her cell phone so all can hear.

As the bus neared Chestnut, the conversation turned to the blood mold growing in the middle of her chest, "like a unwanted third tit" -- with a follow up statement about how much she payed five years before for the "costly improvement on the original two."

She belted out all this information, in a Ethel Merman tone, how her skin doc past away two years before and has not found any one she had liked since. But now the blood mold is quickly reaching puberty and a removal had to be done before Christmas Eve.

Additional New Year's Eve bus, train service

In addition to continuing its penny-a-ride tradition on New Year's Eve, the CTA is expanding service on both train and bus lines to better serve revelers.

Be careful out there, folks. Take the CTA rather than drive drunk.

CTA's Blue Line New Year's gift

The Chicago Tribune reports today that the CTA's Blue Line "will start additional weekend runs on its 54th and Cermak Branch on Jan. 1 as a three-year rehabilitation project on that part of the route nears completion."

Great news for the new year.

The seat not taken

Two young women in their 20s board at Chicago Avenue, heading north on the Red Line. There are two empty seats -- one each -- in the jump seats facing each other by the door. Technically the handicapped/senior seats. I'm sitting in the seat facing one of them, next to a 30-ish guy.

The women decide to stand instead of sit, hovering right over the vacant seats.  That prompts the guy next to me to stand up and ask the young ladies, "Do you want to sit down?"

They just kinda laugh and say: "No thanks. If we wanted to sit, we would sit right here."

Two minutes later, the guy stands up and directly challenges the two women: "You just called me stupid for offering you my seat!"

The women just avoided eye contact and murmured between themselves.

Smart thinking.

Fair warning from CTA motorwoman

It's the Tuesday morning after the long Christmas weekend. The poor schmoes on the delayed, crowded Red Line train into the Loop are those who didn't manage to snag anymore time off in 2004. Schmoes indeed. Like me.

Twice we had stopped for many repair minutes -- at Sheridan and Belmont. As we finally cruised out of Belmont, the motorwoman cheerily provided the explanation: Door No. 3 in the third car would not open. Please avoid it.

Happy New Year!

Beware the Puffy Jacket

CTA Tattler takes a slight holiday break this week and breaks some of the Best reader Tattler Tales. This comes from John. Thanks Buddy!

This happened about two years ago, on the northbound #22 Clark bus.  My (then) girlfriend and I got on the bus near Diversey during rush hour.  The bus was quite crowded, with all the seats taken and about 75% of the standing room taken up.  Right near the front was a young woman wearing a bright yellow, incredibly LARGE down-filled jacket.  The lady, and the jacket, had to have been at least three feet across.

Since she was standing right at the front of the bus people had to squeeze past her, and every time they did, they would brush up against her jacket and she would scream at people to stop touching her.  Within a few blocks people were standing right next to her, pressed up against her.  She kept screaming, over and over, "STOP TOUCHING ME!" and she was shaking with visible anger while her tirade went on. 

Fortunately, she never did anything, but it was equally humorous and frightful watching her get brushed up against and seeing the explosive reactions.

I know that Bill Cosby was talking about the New York Subway, but his routine, "A Nut In Every Car," applies to Chicago trains and buses.

Penny rides back for New Year's Eve

First the CTA tried to take away the Holiday Train, and then the penny New Year's Eve rides were threatened. But the CTA board relented on both poor managerial decisions and brought both back.

So friends, get your pennies out of that jar and leave the car at home Friday night when you go partying for New Year's Eve. Whoo Hoo!

(And I thought they didn't let you use pennies anymore?)

Last-minute shopping ideas

It's two days before Christmas, and you still don't know what to get your girl friend? The CTA is here to help!

How about a lovely CTA "Take it" golf shirt? Or a knit hat a scarf set, with a plush Teddy bear thrown in?

You can find them all at the CTA Gift Express. And some items are even marked down. Whoo hoo! But hurry, quantities are limited. And with just a couple of days till Christmas, you'll want to get them directly from the shop at 567 W. Lake St.

Chastising rude riders

I actually saw a CTA employee chastise a rude rider yesterday.

Well, it was a security guard with a dog, but hey, the CTA employs them right?

The guards with dogs were working with Chicago police to do a train security check, and this time it was at the Clark/Division station.

As the guard was finishing the check -- which basically amounts to peering into windows -- she stepped onto my car and told a young fellow: "You'll have to move that bookbag so someone can sit down."

Wow. No need to hand out cards when you have a dog to back you up.

Kudos on Spanish train ad

Maybe I just have never noticed, but last week I saw my first all-Spanish ad on the train. So three cheers for American Family Insurance, and their ad:

"El Toque de vitalidad de AFI."